


Stark, Snark, and Sorkin

by OnceAlways



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-05-30
Packaged: 2019-05-15 19:55:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14796915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceAlways/pseuds/OnceAlways
Summary: Our favorite witty banterers discussing the master of witty banter.





	Stark, Snark, and Sorkin

**Author's Note:**

> We need more Tony x Darcy. Please and thank you. 
> 
> Inspo: My writer’s jealousy of Aaron Sorkin’s whip smart dialogue, my sadness the MCU has been under utilizing Darcy Lewis, and my denial that Tony Stark is a fictional character.

She waltzed into the lab armed with nothing more than her sharp tongue and turkey on rye. Her shirt declared “Bartlet for President” across the chest and was met with his snort. He was proud of the fact that he looked only long enough to read the words then drug them to her face. Eyes up, sailor. “Figures you’d be a Sorkin fan. I guess being a poli sci major comes with an automatic hard on for The West Wing.”

Her smile was sin “Guilty. And jealous much of the master’s way with words, Stark?” 

“Hardly. I invented the walk and talk. He poached that from moi” he muttered defensively while tinkering with his whatszit. 

“Congrats on mastering the most basic of infantile motor skills. How’s that object permanence coming?” 

“I’m a genius. I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon.” He winked. 

“I’ll stop by Party City later. So seriously what’s your beef with the Wittiest Wizard of Words?”

“The quips are cheap. Too many puns. Too self aggrandizing. Too pretentious. Too arrogant. And too fucking long.”

Her face settled into soft sympathy and tutted, “Oh Tony, don’t be so hard on yourself. You try your best and it’s all any of us can do.” emphasizing her words with a pity shoulder pat. “Now back to the question...” 

Without missing a beat, he said “All of Sorkin’s shit is so mastaburatory and nothing in his canon captures that more than The West Wing. Its idealization of politics is porn for white liberals. As in nauseating.”

“So you’re coming for him because he’s creating art that is inspiring and teaching us a way to better the world and showing us what it could be rather than the harsh reality it actually is?”

“Whoa, let’s not get carried away calling Sorkin un artiste.” 

“So you’d rather Sorkin try to be realistic? That’s when we get shit like The Newsroom. Like you said, white liberal porn is his sweet spot.”

“I don’t know her. Does she even go her?” he asked as he went back to tinkering on some whatzit.

“Yes, you do. I’ve seen your Sloan Sabbith fanfiction.”

Indignation colored his comeback, emphasized by her wielding the wrench he was using on the whatzit at her “Neal Sampat’s boyish charm and caramel Indian skin is getting a smutty drable before Olivia Munn.”

She actually cackled “Ha!I knew it! And you’re wrong.”

Eyes narrowed, “Are you telling me you don’t have a heart emoji eyes for Mr. Dev Patel?”

“Of course not, dude. We can make googly eyes at each other all day. And all night. I meant your attack of The Witty Wizard of Words’s idealism. Your whole Avenging mission here shows your true colors.” She turned from him and started walking down the gallery of his suits gesturing to them for emphasis as she spoke.“Every day you suit up, you’re showing that you believe the world can be different. Better.”

She turned her attention back to him and was surprised she had his undivided attention. She is not sure what she said or did to command it, but she can’t say she does not relish it. She took a deep breath before her next words. “You still cast yourself as the villian in your own story even though you are literally a superhero.” 

His face was now unreadable. Shit, she was getting too real. Witty quip, Darce. Stat!

With a half smile, she snarked, “Well, I guess hero is more accurate. Super’s a bit of a stretch since you don’t have actual superpowers.”

Then something happened Darcy had never witnessed before. Tony Stark hesitated. He missed his beat. His eyes were boring into Darcy before he quickly glanced at the whatzit in his hand as if surprised it was there. He recovered as he put on a mock hurt expression and snarked back “Umm, my beautiful mind? It has brought the world everything from Stark tech to my incredibly well written and specific fanfiction. Not to mention this” he was now actually voguing “This face which has launched a thousand ships.” 

“Hmm, I’m not sure it can compete with Steve’s super shoulders. I mean seriously have you seen that? Baby got back.”

Tony’s eyes quickly shifted to the space to her left as if in thought. Nodding to himself, he muttered something too quiet for her to catch. Then his usual slightly manic energy was back and his once again met hers. With a clap of his hands he began dismissing her “Alright momma, out you go. I have geniusing to do and you have a Baby Foster to water and feed.”

“Fine, but if you haven’t eaten that turkey sandwich by the time I get back, I’m going to make sure the world knows the true identity of SorkinFan696969.”

“For your information you white liberal perv, it’s UberSorkinFan69. You don’t need more than one ‘69’ if done right.”

Later that night when Darcy finally made her way back to his man cave, she found a plate of crust. She snorted. He was actually a man child, but at least he ate. An odd clanging and labored breath brought her deeper into the lab. “Tony? I guess your fangirl identity lives another day. But you really should consider just coming out to your 10 A03 subscribers, I mean…” she stopped short as she was met with Tony Stark’s bare back in mid pull up. 

“Oh hey, kid. Didn’t see you there. What were saying about fangirling?”


End file.
